epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
