I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
