Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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