AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
