no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
