YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
