Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
