"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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