My nipple is on Facebook.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize