I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize