Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize