Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
