Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
