i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
