I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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