Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
