I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
