He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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