The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
