After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize