it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
