We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How external is "for external use only"?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
