I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
