She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
