haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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