Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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