so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
