At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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