operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
