do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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