I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The best revenge is premature balding
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
