There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
