she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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