Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
