My hand turned me down
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A+ Viking dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
