this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
