I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
