Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
