i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im holly from the hills drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize