Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
