Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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