Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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