Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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