I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pants are for mortals
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize