I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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