can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my poor anus
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
