How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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