Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
