"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
