I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
