i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize