I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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