The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
