I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
