we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
