My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
