Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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