Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
