Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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