i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
