my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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