I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
