new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
