Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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