dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
