the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
