Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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