But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
