my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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