i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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