Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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