I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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