Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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