Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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