I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
