Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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