All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
