I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
