And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
