im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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