they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize