that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
