My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
