Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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