porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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