Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
