Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
