he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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