We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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