first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize